Jan

16

By Peg

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Categories: Occupy Love, Spiritual heroes, Uncategorized

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Where are the prophets?

Who is our prophet today?

Who is leading us out of this wilderness in which we find ourselves today? Who is pointing the way to a promised land that seems at least as far away today as it was 40 years ago?

When I was growing into young adulthood in the 1960s, the world was a frightening and dangerous place. A place of war and violence in the streets and hatred based on fear of the unknown and the different. In other words, it was a lot like today. The biggest difference may have been that we had prophets who were pointing the way out of the wilderness.

We had Bob Dylan, who sang to us about a different way to live in that dangerous world. We had Bobby Kennedy, who vowed to help us build a different kind of world.

And, of course, we had Martin Luther King, Jr., who reminded us that God had a different plan from the plan we were living out.

On this day of celebrating the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., I scroll down my Facebook news feed, read the messages King left us and I teeter between hope and despair. Hope because he spoke with the authority and the authenticity of one who had inded been to the mountaintop, had seen the promised land. And if it was true then, if there was a promised land then, surely there must still be one today.

And despair, because in these 40-plus years since his death, so much of the progress we had made seems to be eroding. It is eroding at least in part, I believe, because the voices that dominate today’s conversation are the voices of self-interest and antagonism and sarcasm.

Where are the voices of hope and reconciliation? Where are the voices that lift us out of our small lives and onto the mountaintop? Who is urging us to act with courage, to live from that place inside us where we are kinder and braver and more compassionate than our fear or complacency or pettiness? In 50 years, who will we remember as the voice we followed out of this wilderness?

Are we without prophets today? Or do we choose not to listen when they speak?

Jun

18

By Peg

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Categories: Love, Spiritual heroes

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Father’s Week #5: Falling in Love

My favorite father and daughter

Who can say why we fall in love?

A shrink who once helped me become a little less crazy said the attraction that we think of as love starts in a place he called our “lizard brain,” the seat of our most primitive and deeply rooted instincts and responses to life.

The last time I fell in love, here’s what my lizard brain saw and responded to: a devoted father.

Strong, admirable father figures had been in short supply in my life. I didn’t even know it mattered, didn’t know I cared. I see now that the lack stunted my life, starved me emotionally and drove behaviors that ultimately left me even more empty and even more emotionally hungry. There have been times in my life when I even railed against the idea of a Creator who seemed like little more than an absentee father to a hurting and broken world.

Then a father and his daughter came into my life. They shared their life with me and, in doing so, gave me the kind of family that had been my lifelong craving. In doing so, they made me a better person than I ever expected to be.

We are now living out our own quirky version of happily-ever-after that has even transcended our divorce eight years ago. But no matter what else has happened in our lives, he has always, always, been the kind of father I would have ordered for myself if we could build our lives from an a la carte menu. He always loved his daughter unconditionally, even when he could have been excused for wringing her neck. When she was little, he knew how to gently but firmly use the Daddy Voice to let her know beyond a doubt when she was approaching the limits of acceptable behavior. He treated her with respect in all ways, at all times. He understood that she was his to protect and to teach, but not his to control or live through. Time and time again, he tossed out everything he believed about himself in order to become a better man, a man worthy of her respect and love.

When Elisabeth was two years old, the two of them were in the car one day and he fired up one of the cigarettes he then smoked at the rate of three packs a day. She looked at him and, with all the authority a two-year-old can wield, said, “Daddy, throw that out.” He did. He quit cold turkey.

That was about the time they came into my life.

Who can say why we fall in love, except perhaps in retrospect.

Jun

17

By Peg

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Categories: Love, Re-Vision Your Life, Spiritual heroes

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Father’s Week #4: The Last Man I Worshipped

Jim and Peg, about 1970

Jimmy is my brother. My half-brother, really. Eight years older than I am, my father’s son from his first marriage. I adored him. He is the first male I trusted and the last one I worshipped.

He taught me to make a monkey face for family photos. He told me slightly twisted fairy tales at bedtime. And I can say with confidence that Jimmy would have done anything for me – I once had the photograph to prove it: a black-and-white snapshot of 14-year-old Jimmy sitting on a coin-operated rocking horse outside a tourist stop in the Smoky Mountains. The humiliation is clear on his face. He endured it only because six-year-old Peggy begged him to do it. In the photo I’m standing on tip-toe beside him, a goofy grin on my face.

My brother didn’t live with us. When we took him back to his mother’s house on Sunday evenings, I would stare through the back window of our ‘58 Ford Fairlane until the house where he lived disappeared, stifling sobs.

Jimmy became Jim. He joined the Alabama National Guard. He became a husband and father. Somewhere along the line he became a man of faith, a man who refused to be the kind of father our father had been.  Today, Jim is also a stepfather and a grandfather and, not the least, an honorable, kind and loving husband. 

My brother is still my hero, the finest man I know. He turns 67 in September and one day, I suppose, he will be gone for good. When that happens, even though I’ll know he is safely home at his Father’s house, I will be as inconsolable as that little girl watching him disappear through the rear window of the car.

Jun

14

By Peg

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Categories: Love, Spiritual heroes

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Father’s Week #2: Clyde’s Gentle Nudge

Clyde

I was over 40 when I met Clyde; he was pushing 80. He tried hard to father me in later years when I was still pushing father figures away.

Over the years, Clyde taught me the secrets of growing roses, including how to mix the perfect soil for growing them and how to prune them and when the fragrance is strongest. When my sister died, he helped plant a rose garden in her honor at the bank where she had worked. He also taught me the most important secret of all: The more you give them away, the more abundantly they grow.

Clyde also gave me bushels of homegrown tomatoes every summer and a cutting rooted from a sweet shrub bush that had been in his family for more than a hundred years. He told me his World War II stories. He modeled consistency and love in action and the humility of contentment with being a work in progress.

And when I was still a hostile spiritual novice,  declaring in defeat one Sunday morning that I didn’t know a thing about God, Clyde is the one who looked across the room at me and said, ”Now you’re getting somewhere.”

That was a life-changing moment for me, a moment when God used a kind old man to nudge me gently in the direction of grace and truth.

Clyde has been gone a couple of years now. But, like all good fathers, his legacy lives on in generations of people who continue to walk his walk of patience and compassion and geniality and unconditional love. I hope sometimes I’m one of them.

May

15

By Peg

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Categories: Love, Spiritual heroes

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Diggin’ It with Mike Myers

Mike Myers

Caroline Love Myers

Maybe I was born with dirt under my fingernails. Maybe it’s embedded in my DNA. I’m southern, so neither is outside the realm of possibility.

For whatever reason, dirt is my medium.  I write poetry about dirt. I consider pulling weeds after a rainy spell to be a zen experience. I see a patch of bare ground and know what wants to grow there. When I come home from a walk, I empty my pockets of ground things — leaves and acorns and cones and stones so lovely they evoke a spiritual response in me.

So a few weeks ago, when I heard about the opportunity to work in a community garden that will be shared with Friendship Trays, the Salvation Army and a bi-lingual pre-school, the earth-mother hippy-chick in me couldn’t wait to start.

I haven’t had my first opportunity to dig yet. But today I learned that the dirt for the garden — 14 tons of it? could that be right? that’s enough to bury the BofA tower, isn’t it? — came from a plot of ground that’s been excavated to build a parking lot. That plot of ground, before it was destined to be paved over, had been the location of the family home of Caroline Love Myers, the woman who was instrumental in the early success of Charlotte’s Crisis Assistance Ministry. The house was moved years ago, then renovated into a sparkling jewel by Caroline’s son, Charles.

Mike in front of the Love family home on Providence Road

Before it was moved, the house was one of the great loves of Mike Myers. Mike’s first love, of course, was Caroline, his remarkable wife. But the house…oh, how he loved that house.

I know this because Mike was my boss at Central Piedmont Community College for five years. Mike took child-like delight in a great many things; one of them was showing people around the house where Caroline had grown up, the house where he and Caroline raised their four children. He loved talking about the rugs, the paintings, the kitchen, the side porch, the history of the house. He loved introducing visitors to Extra Dog and telling the story of how the mutt came into his life. He loved going upstairs and telling tales of the days when Charles and Mike Jr. and Richard and Susie were small. He loved entertaining in that house. Mike Myers loved life more than any person I ever knew and, for him, life was centered around his years in that stately old house.

Mike is gone now. People still miss him acutely, as I do, because there was never anybody else quite like Mike.

So to dig in the soil that was the ground of Mike’s life with his family will raise in my ears the echo of Mike laughing, calling me Pegarino, hatching a harebrained scheme that only he could turn into reality. He would love to know, as I do, that I’m kneeling in his dirt this summer, getting his earth under my fingernails. Mostly, he would love knowing that his dirt is being used for something more than the ground floor for a slab of concrete — that it will be used to feed people.

Apr

20

By Peg

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Categories: Love, Spiritual heroes, Uncategorized

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Happy Birthday, Cindy

Cindy, about age 20, with her dog, Moses

I want to tell you all about my little sister, Cindy, because April 21, 2011, would have been her 55th birthday, if she had lived 11 more years. But she didn’t. She died in her sleep in October, 2000, and nothing since has been quite as good or mattered quite as much because she isn’t here to let me know it matters to her, too. 

Cindy, about 5 years old